Some days I feel invincible. I have a goal, a focus, determination, and confidence. Nothing can stop me.

Then, all of a sudden, my mind can flip into complete self-doubt. I feel like I have nothing to offer. I wonder why I’m doing what I do.

One side of me says, “Because I love it. Because I have the passion. Because I want to share.”

The other says, “Why even bother? Live your life for yourself. Go somewhere quiet. Forget about the rest.”

And I’m torn.

I still have that belief: Why not me? But the younger Pauline, who had absolute trust that there was a way and that I was going to make it, doesn’t come back in quite the same way anymore.

Now I know that things always work out, but not necessarily in the way I want. That’s life.

So, to you who have days when you don’t even know what you’re doing, followed by days when you know exactly what you want: I understand. I ride those waves too.

I think too few people talk about this because it can make you seem vulnerable. Weak, even.

For me, it takes strength and courage to say, “I don’t have it all together, but I keep going.”

I don’t think your life is easy. I don’t think you have no problems. I know you do. I have my own.

What I remind myself is to hold on to the good moments when I know all is well. When my mind tries to tell me the opposite, I don’t have to follow it.

I have a choice. I choose to believe in myself.

And that may be the toughest training protocol I practice every day.

I invite you into my life because I think we’re stronger together. But I also know the feeling of wanting to disappear into the middle of nowhere, where nobody knows your name.

One moment I wonder why I want people to know me. The next, I don’t want anyone to know me.

It can be hard to know what my heart wants when my faith and calm rise and fall like that.

I don’t have the solution. But I keep looking, and I keep finding my way.

To this day, it has worked out. To this day, I can still go and work out.

And to this day, I want to feel grateful—not just know that I should be grateful. Knowing what you should feel and actually feeling it are not the same thing.

I don’t have someone telling me how to live my life. And I don’t want anyone else to dictate it.

It takes a leap of faith to wake up with new hopes and start again without going backwards.

So before you sabotage yourself or criticize yourself, give yourself some credit for being honest. For being real. For not having to hold up a facade.

I don’t have to be more than human. I don’t have to be invincible every day.

Some days I wonder why I even want to be so tough. And then I remind myself that I’m not always tough.

But I know I don’t want to live with regrets. So I put up that fighting spirit and keep going.

I can only go forward. Live now. Live here.

Don’t ruminate on the past. Don’t romanticize it. Don’t try to change it.

Sometimes forgetting is the best way to find peace.

And tomorrow, I start again.

❤️