It has been nine weeks since I last went to my solitude place.

That time, I packed all my resistance bands and planned five days of training.

I did nothing.

I lay on the floor, worked, and enjoyed the complete silence.

Now I’m on my way back—and this time, I’m deliberately taking the entire week off.

I have trained hard. I have gained strength and muscle. I have reached a new personal best in my front squats—not only in load, but in form and range of motion.

I have trained my shoulders, back, abs, glutes, hamstrings and quads with focus.

Now I’m happy to have seven complete days without resistance training or cardio.

Yesterday, I worked at my computer all day. I had planned to go into the forest, but my priorities changed.

Today, I went.

Four hours. 25,000 steps. Pure joy.

I even saw a reindeer standing there, looking at me, and caught it on camera.

A long time ago, taking time off terrified me.

I worried that I would lose muscle. I worried that I wouldn’t return to training.

On the first day off, I would already be longing for the gym and fantasizing about training. I couldn’t live in the moment and enjoy my rest. I became irritated and agitated, as though I had nothing else to do.

Then, one or two days before it was time to resume training, guess what?

Suddenly, I didn’t want to go back.

That terrified me too. How quickly could the habit disappear?

Today, after three and a half hours of walking, the fronts of my thighs and my hip flexors became sore and stiff. I know my body. I know the little aches and pains that come and go from years of use. I foam-roll, use my laser and do what I can to manage them.

Sometimes I think: How did I make it to 44?

I’m proud.

I’m proud to be 44. I’m proud to be alive. I’m proud that, somehow, I have learned how to keep my body healthy and strong so far.

At my solitude place, I will work. I will focus. I will continue doing what I love.

But I will not train.

I will walk in the forest. I will enjoy the silence. I will enjoy not doing very much.

I’m excited about the training practice that is coming. I’m eager to return knowing that I will be stronger, the little aches and pains will have had time to heal, and I’ll be ready to pursue another personal best and keep growing muscle.

Because I never stop building.